Substance of Sanity & Lunacy

Labor of Love

2007-10-13T21:39:00.000-07:00

At times, you just think about what the future holds for you, what your plans might be and who would share it with you. The song below perfectly speaks my thoughts, every word of it.

"Will you let me be your servant,
Let me be as Christ to you,
Pray that I may have the grace to
let you be my servant too.

We are pilgrims on a journey,
We are travelers on the road,
We are here to help each other,
Walk the mile and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ light for you,
In the night time of your fear,
I will hold my hand out to you,
Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping,
When you laugh I'll laugh with you,
I will share your joy and sorrow,
'Til we've seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in heaven,
We shall find such harmony,
Born of all we've known together,
Of Christ's love and agony."

(If I get married, this will be my wedding song! =p)

Thoughts About Life

2007-08-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 7:1-29

A good reputation is better than expensive perfume;
And the day you die is better than the day you are born.

It is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party,
Because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all.

Sorrow is better than laughter;
It may sadden your face, but it sharpens yours understanding.

Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool.
A wise person thinks of death.

It is better to have wise people reprimand you than to have stupid people sing your praises.

When a fool laughs, it is like thorns crackling in a fire.
It doesn't mean a thing,

You may be wise, but if you cheat someone, you are acting like a fool.
It you take a bribe, you ruin your character.

The end of something is better than its beginning.

Patience is better than pride.

Keep your temper under contorl; it is foolish to harbor a grudge.

Wisdom keeps your safe - this is the advantage of knowledge.

When things are going well for you, be glad, and when trouble comes, just remember:
God sends both happiness and trouble; you never know what is going to happen next.

My life has been useless, but in it I have seen everything.
Some good people may die while others live on, even thought they are evil.
So don't be too good or too wise - why kill yourself?
But don't be too wicked or too foolish, either - why die before you have to?
Avoid both extremes.
If you have reverence for God, you will be successful anyway.

There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.

Don't pay attention to everything people say - you may hear your servant insulting you, and you know yourself that you have insulted other people many times.

How can anyone discover what life means? It is too deep for us, too hard to understand.

This is all that I have learned: God made us plain and simple, but we have made ourselves very complicated.

To Gay Rights, With Love

2007-08-13T08:02:00.001-07:00

~ In memory of one I almost feel in love with~
Who are we to strip them of their rights?
Article 1 : Universal Declaration of Human Rights
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Who are we to deny them of being loved?
Mother Theresa : But the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, having no one.

Who are we to say that they are not justified to liberty?
"We as individuals determine our own conscience"

Who are we to condemn them of decisions?
Philosophical School of Existentialism : It is that every one of us, as an individual, is responsible—responsible for what we do, responsible for who we are, responsible for the way we face and deal with the world, responsible, ultimately, for the way the world is.

Who are we to filter them from our society?
War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Sickness. Equal Gay Rights. Which should we filter?

Who are we to stereotype them for being different?
Jonathan Davis : "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you 'cause you are all the same'"

Think the Chinese are Getting Much Sex? Think Again!

2007-08-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

China is one of the fastest growing population in the world. Coming from the view of an outsider, when you tell me about China, the first thought that floods the cells of my brain is that the Communist China manufactures more goods than any other country in the world. Just look at anything around....there you get it....the words 'China' embedded somewhere (well, more like everywhere!). Amidst all this great hoo haa about this giant monopolist, China faces a much greater battle within the boundaries of their homeland. For years now, the 'One Child Policy' has been debated and brought up over and over again. Almost like a political ploy of amazing propaganda, the government of China derived astonishing slogans regarding this policy. Quoted from Forbes.com, the slogans that are a form of decorations on freeways and streets spell out like this:

“Add 10 graves rather than one more baby.”
“Better to let blood turn into a river than to add a new person to our population.”
“Raise fewer babies and more pigs.”

Who would think that with all the globalization and technology shit that we would be faced with such problems at the most humane level? Those who do not comply to this policy where said to foresee broken families and collapsed homes. Who in the right frame of mind would consider raising more pigs to replace a child?

So, the next time you take life for granted, think again!

On the same side of the coin, *Forbes also reported that

On average, Chinese have sex for the first time at an average age of 22.1, compared to the Western average of 17, according to the 2007 Face of Global Sex ReportDurex, the British condom maker, which surveyed more than 26,000 people from 26 countries.

As a result of that, condom makers in China are faced with a threat. The news report also stated that other methods like sterilization and abortion are of better popularity. Yea....it's time to put on your thinking caps and ask what the fuck is going on?

While one might think that the one child policy means a huge reap for the condom making industry, the Chinese government vigorously promotes the use of a more 'permanent' form of contraception - sterilization!

While the Middle East tries to combat war and prevent the loss of innocent lives of children, the joker China is telling you to raise pigs rather than children! NICE!

http://www.forbes.com/markets/2007/07/10/durex-china-contraception-markets-equity-cx_vk_0710markets5.html?boxes=relstories

http://www.forbes.com/facesinthenews/2007/08/07/china-onechild-slogan-face-markets-cx_jc_0807autofacescan01.html

~ J 080707 10:39p.m.

Blogging Past, Relived!

2007-08-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

Ok....I guess I want to pen down my life....

Memories of the past should not just be memories,
They are to be remembered, written down and cherished,
As being once, Part of you~

Last Post

2007-01-04T22:38:00.000-08:00

Well....

More often that not, we tend to fit ourselves into what the world wants to see what's in us. As of today, i think blogging tends to make us write what the world wants to see in us. If your stand is that blogging helps you keep the sanity in you or releases the lunacy in you, I think that you should keep it to yourself and only let someone who you really trust understands you without discriminating your thoughts and your dreams and your achievements. Thus, I'm gonna stop blogging! =)

~ Thanks Sam for letting me see the world through a better tomorrow! Thanks Brian for leading me into that realization~

Farewell Dearest Friend

2006-09-06T11:05:00.000-07:00

"In reality, true friends are the ones that tell you when you are fat or ugly. They are the ones who are honest regardless whether they hurt you or not. Hold on to them" Josephine, 2006

As of today, 060906, we say goodbye to yet another friend. A dear one indeed. Shiva has gone off to Ireland for Medicine.

As tears roll down our cheeks, we recall the times where we were angry with each other, and didn't talk for days. We wish we could just understand more.

As we said our goodbyes, we recall the times when we took each other for granted. We wish that we did not have to go our separate ways and say goodbye.

As we exchange hugs and kisses, we recall the times we envied one another when one was better than the other. We wish jealousy did not exist.

As we exchange smiles, we recall the time when we first smiled at each other, from complete strangers to the best of friends. We wish they happen over and over again.

As we looked at each other for the last time before meeting again, we recall the times when the sound of our laughter and our grandmother stories filled the corridors of our high school. We wish that we never grew up.

"As we go on,
We'll remember,
All the times we've spent together,
And as our lives change,
Come whatever,
We will still be friends forever...."

Dearest Shiva....All the best in your future undertakings. Be strong. Although you may think all hope is gone, think of us all, at different corners of the world, you'll still have us regardless of which part of the globe you're in. Take care, woman....Till we meet again....Cheers!

People In My Life II

2006-09-05T04:12:00.000-07:00

(Continued......

Dear Biatch,

For all the shopping trips and for the company, I thank you. For all the help and support regardless of the situation, I cherish you. For all the laughter, I'll remember you. Only I will understand the support you've given me, regardless of the time, situation or place. When things were not what they were suppose to be, you have a better plan. When things were not enough, you still had your way. When money was concerned, you were number 1. When guys were concerned, I was number 1. For the lame jokes you cracked, and the lagging Pentium-Hell-Knows-What session after drinking limau ais. For all the pearl juices and the pizzas, I'll save those memories. For all your complains fights and nonsense about love, I still listened patiently and understood. For all the times you stood by me and for those times when you ran away. For all your words and advice, I'll keep them dear to my heart. For the times we laughed until I cried, I won't give them away. For the time when you come to forget me, I'll forgive you. Although you eat and eat and eat and become fat, woman, I'll still love you the way you are. Hugz Biatch~

___________________________________________________

Hey Zheng_Yang2,

You were always the special one. Someone I could always count on but always been turned down too.

Josie: Yang2, how to put tagboard on my blog site.
ZY: Dunno... *Smiley that rolls it's eyes*
Josie: Then, the site meter leh? How to put?
ZY: Dunno.....
Josie: Pls yang2...help me...teach me.
ZY: Learn yourself....
Josie: Haihyo...why you like that one? Just teach?
ZY: .......*silent treatment*
Josie: So bad la you....
ZY: zzzZZZzzzz

For all the eyes rolling you've given me, I've learned to understand. For all the silent treatment you've presented, I've learned to listen. For all the middle fingers you've showered upon me, I've learnt to shut up. For all the stares you've given me, I've learnt to understand what anger truly is. For all the times you just ignored me, I've learnt to leave people alone. For all the times you ask me to shut up, I've learnt that I should shut up. Despite all these, you've always been the one who's there for the help especially with the club. Giving your undivided dedication in contribution, always genuine and sincere in everything you do and producing the best for the club. That I salute you and give you my utmost respect. For the beautifully sketched pictures you've taken with all your heart, I'll remember the colors that made it so fine. For the sadness that still and will always haunt you because of your dog, I see that you care. For the times I've irritated you and made you angry until you were speechless, I ask for forgiveness. For the pics that you didn't let me post, I'm sad because the world can't see the real you. But for this picture below, I truly believe that 'A picture paints a thousand words'. Cheers yang2, I wish you all the best in your future undertakings. Lotsa hugs and kisses always.

The Best Things In Life Are Not Seen nor Touched, They Are Felt By the Heart~

2006-09-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

Episode I

"It's truly amazing how we've begun from total strangers........

....to the best of friends~

" When the world leaves you feeling blue, you can count on me, I will be there for you"

Most people have far more courage than they give themselves credit. When tested, people find they have the courage to look deep into their souls; and do things they never thought possible. The successful person is the one who continually faces problems and challenges that life brings - and overcomes them all, no matter what the obtacle may be.

As we are about to close this undescribable and beautiful chapter of our life, I wish you all the best although my heart cries tears of sadness remembering the times we laughed and talked for hours. As of now, we are about to go our separate ways, and the portrait of life paints for each of us a whole new dimension with beautifully planned colors.

I hope one day, when we are old and wrinkled, we look back upon this journey of life and come to realize these trivial thoughts that made this life worth the walk.

~the times we've laughed until we cried

~the times we talked and talked for hours and still never come to a conclusion

~the jokes we cracked and make the grey sky turn blue again

~the shoulder we lend for someone although it may be wet by tears

~for the times we shared but it was never enough

~for the times when we gave each other a lil wack to wake them up

~the hand we held that needed support

~the love we shared when we all needed some

~for all the times when we just sat saying nothing but we understood each other the most.

.................Although we are all different,

we agree on one thing....................(to be continued...

Your Winter - Sister Hazel

2006-09-03T04:07:00.000-07:00

" Your opinion, what is that,
Just a different point of view"
Let thy light shine on me, I seek a sign, Tell me if I should let go, Tell me if I should move on~

The grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
In your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view

What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry.
I said I'm sorry , but for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
Don't want to hate myself,
don't want to hurt you
Why do you chew your pain?
If you only know how much I love you, love you

I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven I will be here

The old picture on the shelf
Well it's been there for a while
A frozen image of ourselves
We are acting like a child
Innocent and in a trance
A dance that lasted for a while

You read my eyes just like your diary,
oh remember, please remember
Well, I'm not a beggar, but what's more
If I hurt you, then I hate myself,
don't wanna hurt you
Why do you chew your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you

I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven I will be here

I'll Be Missing You~

2006-09-03T03:16:00.000-07:00

"The time when you finally come to your senses and realize you're actually missing someone, is the time he says goodbye"
- Josephine, 2006

~All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back,
I'll bring your wedding ring~

Goodbye Ferhan, I'll be Missing you~

It was May, and then Sept, and then January. Then it was Summer, then Fall and now it's September. I never thought you would be leaving this time. And now, you're finally gone, I'd give anything to get you back here. But I guess that's just how life is, people in our life come and leave. And it's saddening to know that the ones you miss the most have got to leave you someday, somehow.

Who's gonna talk to me hours and hours on the phone?
Who's gonna make me laugh until I choke and cry?
Who's gonna take me go see planes?
Who's gonna stay up til dawn keeping me company?

Who's gonna say that I'm fat and look like shit?
Who's gonna call me dumb ass?
Who's gonna leave bruises and marks on my hand?
Who's gonna eat my plastic cheese cake?
Who's gonna buy me more tiggers?
Who's gonna keep me on a diet?

Who's gonna piggy back me until we ram into the dustbin?
Who's gonna take me on a fast ride in a two door Benz?
Who's gonna sing to me?
Who's gonna laugh at my lame jokes now?
Who's gonna say "Fuck you la"?
Who's gonna defend me if my dad gets angry?

Who's gonna stand by me if other bully me?
Who's gonna understand me the way you do?
Who's gonna love me the way you do but still not have sex with me?

Freaking NO ONE. As of today, YOU are definitely irreplaceable, indescribable, definitely impossible to understand, and one in a million.

Come Back Soon~

The Price of a Mistake

2006-08-30T02:36:00.000-07:00

Well, the educated say that it’s ok to make a mistake. Others say we learn from our mistakes. Some say mistakes are made so that we realize where we have gone wrong. After the recent incident of a costly mistake, makes me sum up a price of a lavish mistake and conclude that ‘Mistakes can be made but mistakes are costly too’. Mistakes are made, out of utter carelessness, utter stupidity and utter nonsense. Mistakes the very blood that flows through our veins, although we know it’s there, we sometimes don’t realize what it does. Mistakes come in all forms, in life, in love, in sex, in studies, family and friends. The million dollar question is, “Are we allowed to freely make mistakes?” A shallow question on the surface, given severe deliberation and scrutiny, the answer to this question requires more than a Yes-No answer. In this case, the answer to this million dollar question is costly (maybe worth as much as the question is), and what I’ve learnt to call it, the lavish price of a mistake.

Mistake 1: The 1st Attempt to Renew My ‘Percubaan’ License to CDL
Cost: The petrol to and from JPJ and My Wounded Ego

Date : 19 /08 /2006
Time : 3.00 p.m.
Place : Jabatan Pengangkutan Jalan
Date Percubaan License Due : 26 / 08/ 2006

My first attempt has caused me the price of going all the way there and coming home empty handed together with my rather wounded ego. (for staying up the night before, spending time, searching the net, to get information about the renewal process)

Officer : Ya, nak apa dik?
Josie : Selamat petang (I’m always polite). Nak tahu dimana nak renew lesen percubaan kepada kompeten?
Officer : Bila tarikh luput lesen percubaan?
Josie : (with certainty) 26 Ogos 2006
Officer : Minta maaf la dik. You hanya boleh renew lesen lepas tarikh 26.
Josie : (wtf, wtf ….who the hell insisted on such a dumb rule) Ya ke? Ok…takpe....terima kasih.

WTF….wtf….WTF…. who the hell bloody insisted on such a dumb nonsense baloney rule. I don’t see the bloody sense in the rule. Why are we subjected to such dumb rules. Argh…so frustrating. Let me illustrate a simply point to prove the utter nonsense of this rule. The officer said that I was only allowed to renew my license after 26/08/06. That means anytime after the 26th. What if I renewed it on the 30/ 08/ 06. That means I’ll be violating another more superior rule, driving around from the 26-30 with an expired percubaan license. Wtf….I don’t see any sense in this.

Mistake 1: The 2nd Attempt to Renew My ‘Percubaan’ License to CDL
Cost: RM60, Severely injured ego, crushed pride and an almost deaf ear

Date : 30 /08 /2006
Time : 3.00 p.m.
Place : Jabatan Pengangkutan Jalan
Date Percubaan License Due : 26 / 08/ 2006

Today, my second attempt to renew my fcuking percubaan license to CDL (Competent Driving License). The Government Department requires its fellow citizens to take numbers before approaching counters. I was about to take my number, when I realize ‘Where is the button?’ and I was pressing anything on the machine that looked like a button. At last, the red button was on top. The annoying specimen of the officer had to laugh at me. I’m like, ‘Fine, I found it’.

Upon approaching the counter, I took out my L license instead of my P license which caused me RM60 and the rest of the consequences are history. She renewed my L license which only happens if one fails the test, costing me RM30. After realizing the mistake, I had to renew my P license all over again. I was supposed to take out the fcuking P license instead of the L license and that cost me RM30. RM60 for a mistake. It’s rather lavish after considering the Ice-creams and sushi I could have bought with it. Damn…..Argh….. WTF….wtf….WTF….the cost of my own mistake….no one I can blame but myself. And of course the lecturing and scolding came after that, like the ‘after-party’, from my mother. Argh...so what can I say? I guess you are free to make mistakes only and only if you can bear the consequences and learn from them. Life is full of mistakes, it's what you get from them that really do matter, I've certainly learnt mine.

Conclusion : Mistakes are costly

10 Things I'd Never Do To My Guy~

2006-08-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

Shopping has indeed filled the lungs of every women, like the air they breathe in. Shopping has become a passion for some, and a past time for some. Shopping has been found guilty of ripping the already empty pockets of women and is indeed a very high maintenance past time. Shopping is known to be dreadful to some, and a cup of tea for some. Being in a mall for 3 hours doing pretty much nothing, has enabled me to study some very amazing character of both men and women.

While the wives are busy checking out items on sale, the men yawn away behind their lady. While the gurls ask their guy whether the dress would look nice on them, they stare and say whutever. While the wives are busy carrying bags and bags of clothes, shoes, etc. the poor men are pushing the baby pram agonizing about the fact that the figure in their bank accounts keep decreasing. While some walk around with nothing in their hands, the meager guy carry their pink handbag and tonnes of MNG, Topshop and Ms. Selfridge bags. While the ladies try shoes after shoes and still not find the right one, the men sit down staring at their undecisive manner.

Well, I don't quite understand. No matter how much you love someone, if he's bored and alone, I think you'd notice. When you go shopping, no matter how much you love your gurl, you have your dignity and not carry her pink handbag. When you go shopping, no matter how much you'd love the company, you'll know if your loved one is dreading every minute of it.

Thus, the shopping experiences stimulated my thought to pen these 10 things I'd never do to my guy!!

(1) I'll never ever let you hold my handbag until or unless I have no hands.
(2) I'll never ever let you go shopping if you don't want to, I'll never force you nor will I blackmail you into going in trade for sex. =P
(3) I'll never ever leave you with the baby and shop till I drop, if I drop, we'll drop together.
(4) I'll never ever let you hold the shopping bags, until or unless I really can't hold them, or my hands are sore till they can't bear any weight at all.
(5) I'll never let you toil behind me and I'll let you go look at your stuff eventhough I die for your accompany and your hand to hold.
(6) I'll never keep bugging you which handbag or dress I should buy cuz I know you'll say I look nice in everything.
(7) I'll never depend on you to go shopping no matter how broke I am (then, I'll just window shop), unless you really insist that you wanna buy me something.
(8) I'll never ever let you wait for hours and hours while I walk and walk and walk and not decide on something. I'll let you have your say in everything.
(9) I'll never let you yawn behind me, nor will I let you feel bored coz we'll walk side by side and I'll know you well enuff to not let boredom creep into you.
(10) I'll never ever leave you at home if you wanna go shop with me!!! =P

Roy Chan

2006-08-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

Experiment 1

Title : Roy Chan

Aim : To identify the chemical properties that signifies the devil in Roy Chan

Procedure : Please refer the physical properties of the bodily figure of Roy Chan

Results:

(1) Extremely self-centred

(2) Completely selfish

(3) Definitely intimidating to other chemicals as he constantly feels superior to them.

(4) Constantly self-praises itself in being an 'honest' catalyst

(5) Absolutely irrational when it comes to MAT133

(6) Significantly ambitious (beyond any reasonable doubt)

(7) Constantly utters 'whatever' regardless of the temperature, heat or any condition for that matter.

Conclusion :

Stay as far as possible or never try to engage in any physical contact with this chemical.

Calculus and the Human Race~

2006-07-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

Ferhan

"Calculus is like masturbation. Its nice to do it alone, but nicer when someone else is helping"

Mamoyo

"Calculus to me is like a penis. Readily available but fucking hard to please"

Ferhan

" Women are more like chemistry. Looks nice on paper, but fcking impossible to understand"

Untitled

2006-07-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day

"Doing Calculus is like having sex, the more you do it, the better you get at it" ~ Josephine - 2006

Random Thoughts~

2006-07-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day
"It's the lameness in life that make you appreciate the logical creative thoughts"
(Josephine, 2006)

Today :

Joanne (my roommate) : Let's Dance again.
Me : Yea... I wanna do some dirty dancing.
Joanne : No way... don't turn me on.
Me : That's possible?

Yea...this is what you get when two crazy gurls wanna dance their hearts out.

Dancing to the rhythm and the beat of pussycat dolls "Loosen Up My Buttons" makes you all sexy and wanted, trying to be somewhere near Busta Rhymes. Makes you wish that you had a guy to seduce and love.

The rhythm of "Don't Cha" makes you feel wanted and inferior to the rest as you imagine yourself as the odd one in the group, vying for all the attention you can get just like Tyra Banks doing one of the runway routine. Makes you wish that you cud be in really nice tank tops and short skirts walking along the beach with sandals in one hand and a hand in the other.

Shaking to "Shakira's - Hip's Don't Lie" makes you feel on top of the world, shaking those ass to tone them into the perfect, Jessica Alba ass. Makes you wanna dance even more.

Moving to "Pump It" makes you feel the heat in those cheeks to the color equivalent to that of Cameron Diaz's gorgeous Blush! cheeks. Makes you feel the sensation and satisfaction you want from a long day at college.

You know what? This is us. We always wish to be others and die to be as gorgeous, as wanted, as beautiful and as perfect as they are.

The TRUTH : We can never be someone else without faking it!

The Conclusion : This is what happens when you try to be someone else.

* Yea... that's me in Jessica Alba's body...

Conclusion #2 :

Be contented with what you have. DO NOT fret about being imperfect, nor complain that you're not good enough for a guy. It's the imperfections in life that make you cherish those perfect things. After all, is being perfect all that matters?

LOVE ME FOR MY IMPERFECTIONS

Thus, if the world fret so much about imperfections, what about

Tears - these too are imperfections. Would you cry with me when I'm sad because you hurt me? Would you?

Age - Would you still love me if I was wrinkled and ugly and can't smile as sweet as I use to? Would you? Would you?

Fat - Would you still keep our vow that you'd love me till my dying day if I looked like this? Would you swear that your love never changed even a lil? Would you?

Blind - Would you be my eyes if we walked amidst crowds of people? Would you defend me if people laughed at me for being blind? Would you cheat on me because I can't see? Would you secretly complain to your friends that I'm a huge burden to bear? Would you?

Deaf - Would you be my ears when our children utter their first words? Would you still sing to me? Would you learn how to sign for me? Would you secretly tell your mum that you regretted marrying me? Would you? Would you?

Memory Loss - Would you still be my guiding star? Would you still take me for long walks on the beach? Would you still say that you love me, knowing that I'll forget it as soon as you say them? Would you runaway from me? Would you? Would you?

* Dear Love, would you still love me more that yesterday and love me more tomorrow then you did today? Would you? Would you?

"It's the imperfections in life that make you cherish the not so perfect things you already have in life" (Josephine, 2006)

You're Worth More Than You Think You Are

2006-07-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

I believe I am entitled to clarify my claim, that by blogging, people would start to hate me, but blogging is the only way, on 'those' days where nobody wants to hear your crap, no one's around, the person you wanna talk to is angry with you, so, yea...the blog is the only place I release my lunacy. So, bear with me.

(The following section has nothing to do with the previous paragraph - Don't Ask!)

Remember, you're definitely worth more than you think you are. Just a random advise to those out there who think that life is not worth living. It's freaking 5.05 a.m. in the morning, and I'm trying hard to squezze some sense out of my vague thoughts.
Here's a prologue about me and evidence that transcends all reason, that 'YOU' are definitely worth it.

Me - height deprived - a condition definitely not experienced by models; definitely 90% more body fat than most people - a condition called lipoextraglisemia, described as high body fats that can't be lost in a short period of time; moodtitis - a condition known whereby the patient experiences severe mood swings and extremes of happiness and sadness that flunctuates; cafeinesia - a sickness known as will-not-be-able-to-function-without-cafeine; soundtitis - a condition known whereby the patient talks and talks and talks and doesn't shut up

You wouldn't wanna know...You're definitely more worth it....

(P/S: It's just literally, please bear in mind that I love myself, I would not ever wish that I am not me and there's nth I would change about me)

Claiming a Claim, Demanding an Explaination~

2006-07-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

" i've kept it in my brilliant void memory that in the process of blogging i may hurt people that i love and care about but what must be written must to be written"

Wtf... i'm kinda disappointed with the way some people treasure friendship. i always thought that friendship is beyond all these trivial matters and what matters most is the understanding behind all of these. i would go all out to help my friends keeping in mind that my friends might not be there when i need them. regardless of what people say. but all i ask is a lil bit of friendship in return. it's not too much to ask is it? wtf....wtf... feelin' damn insecure now. shit...hate this feeling. never like it when friends treat me this way. anyway, maybe i shud ask myself again and again, what friendship truly means.

I hope you(you know who you are) know that I care about you and that I HATE being treated this way. I dun know whut to call it, being immature or as a matter of fact I guess you must have your unquestionable reasons for treating me this way, and I am in no position to question your faultless reason for treating me the way your treating me now. All of my care and friendship has ended up in an unfallible bottomless pit, constantly longing for an explaination of whys? hows? and whens?

Although you might think that my way of conveying my feelings are a lil too revealing but i guess no one appreciates my sense of nonsense once i start uttering logical but utterly dumb words. thus, being people as we all are, illogical, self-centred and undenialbly selfish, there is no one to judge the degree of perfection in which the One above has grant us, and along the way, we do make mistakes, mistakes that shud not have been done. but i guess, a lil forgiveness wouldn't hurt either would it?

as of today, 17/07/06, i basically don't give a f*** what people think anymore, if you think you can handle me, then by all means, be my friend, and if you don't value friendship the way i value mine, so be it; stay away. and with these last few months of my life here in malaysia, i would not want a complete brainless mistake of mine to ruin a perfectly good friendship.

" Life is nasty, too short and bestial to let a second pass by which makes you feel like a complete jerk"

~ Thanks edihan for being there for me.

10 Things I Hate About You~

2006-07-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

written by dearest_beloved
inspired by "wiSdom"

there's a hunger in me that only you can fill, no one will understand it the way i do~

"I hate myself that I love the way you look into my eyes, that I would gazed into the depths of the unconscious,

I hate myself that I love the way you smile, that I would melt right in front of you,

I hate myself that I love the way you smell, that I would wish I could wake up to the scent of you and brewing coffee,

I hate myself that I love the way you call my name, that I would yearn for you to call me when I’m not with you,

I hate myself that I love the way your breathe caresses my cheeks, that I would long just for that one kiss from that lips,

I hate myself that I love the way your body brushes against mine, that I would shiver and long to be in your arms for just one night,

I hate myself that I love the way your body moves, that I would long so very much to be a part of the excitement in your life,

I hate myself that I love the way you talk about your life, that I would wonder whether your plans could include me,

I hate myself that I love the way you make me laugh, that I would ask myself ‘Will he ever love me?’

I hate it that you belong to someone else, I hate myself that I love you and above all I hate myself that I love you more than myself"

Prologue~

2006-07-19T03:43:00.000-07:00

Fact

Myself - founded on the morning of 12th of July 1987
"Completely mortified by the fact that I'm blogging,
Extremely persuaded that what must be written must be written,
Definitely positive about continuing to believe what I believe in,
Tremendously ignorant to what people perceive me to be,
Exceptionally yearning for the reason to love and be loved,
Immensely discovering the ultimate reason of this life,
Vastly irritated by sexism, discrimination and violation of human rights and freedom,
Infinitely uncertain about this life and the next"~

Myth "The Substance of my Sanity & Lunacy"

Doubt "The Embodiment of Truth & Fallacy; Right & Wrong; Good or Bad"

Fate "Trying to foresee what is undeniable unforeseeable"

Time "Man is condemned to be free, but everywhere he is bonded by chains"

~at some point, something must have come from nothing~